Chapter 4: Composure - Conscious Discipline
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Chapter 4: Composure

Composure is self-regulation in action. It is the prerequisite skill adults need before disciplining children.

Composure Summary

Power: Perception: No one can make you angry without your permission.
Becoming Brain Smart: Composure gives you access to the higher centers of your brain.
Skill: S.T.A.R.: “I’m safe. Keep breathing. I can handle this.”
Noticing and download: “Your face is going like this (demonstrate).”
School Family: Brain Smart Start Routine, Safekeeper Ritual, Safe Place Self-Regulation Center, Friends and Family Board
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Power of Perception
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Oops in Practice
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Activity to Remove Your Buttons Children Push
  1. I seem to be upset because my trigger Calvin refuses to clean up at the designated times.
  2. This triggers my CD-Rom chatter and feelings of helplessness, which I feel in my throat tightening and my face reddening.
  3. My triggered CD-Rom thoughts that cause this feeling/sensation are “Why can’t I ever get him to cooperate?” “Would it kill him to listen and follow directions just once?” “It must be me; I know his parents and I can’t believe they put up with this at home!”
  4. While upset, my inclination is to relieve my distress by automatically punishing the child by threatening him with loss of free time or get the child to feel bad by lecturing him about how he’s not being very helpful.
  5. I want to feel better. I want relief. I can say to myself, “I’m safe. Keep breathing. I can handle this.” I accept and let go of my feelings helplessness, my thoughts that cause them “Why can’t I ever get him to cooperate?” “Would it kill him to listen and follow directions just once?” “It must be me; I know his parents and I can’t believe they put up with this at home!” and my need to be right and punish threatening and lecturing him.
  6. I want to be responsible, happy and peaceful.
  7. What I really want to happen is for Calvin to learn to clean up at the designated times.
  8. I am not really upset at this child or situation, but at my own thinking and ultimately at myself, for not knowing what to do and how to help.
  9. I take responsibility, not blame, for all my actions, thoughts and feelings in regard to Calvin’s difficult with clean up and transitions.
  10. I forgive myself and choose to connect with love instead of my upset. One loving thought I can think about the child is that he is very imaginative and energetic. One loving thought I can think about myself is that I am a kind friend to others.
  11. Thank you Calvin for teaching me to listen to my true self instead of the false messages on my CD-Rom. 
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Attuned or Misattuned?
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Downloading Calm
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Skill of Noticing
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Children Practicing the I Can Calm Book
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School Family Songs
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Belly Breathing Activities
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Greeting and Connection Activities

Greetings

I Love You Rituals

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Age-appropriate Commitments

Infant Commitments are Made with Staff

Preschool Commitments

Preschool Song Commitments

Middle School Commitments

Faculty Commitments

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Safekeeper Ritual
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Safe Place Self-Regulation Learning Center
 
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